Self-Silencing

Earlier this week I read an article about Filmmaker Alba Lange. Specifically, the article explored what it meant to be a prolific artist. The thing that stayed with me from the article was her comment that she’s constantly creating work because if she’s silent for too long she begins to lose her words.

I loved this idea and its stayed with me for the past few days, and yet I had a difficult time really understanding what about it resonated with me. It wasn’t until this morning when I read an article by an NVC trainer named Ranji Ariaratnam. Specifically, Ariaratnam was discussing the relationship between self-connection and the power of choice

According to Ariaratnam, its only by first connecting with our own needs that we are fully able to be at choice and have power within that choice instead of simply reacting to everything around us.  It was then that I began to makes sense of the two things.

For me, silence is somewhat of a tenuous thing. Sometimes silence makes me incredibly uncomfortable. In such instances, I spend a lot of time filling my space with sound. It’s a rare instance in which you will find me perfectly in a place of serene silence. Ironically, within this chaos of noise, and the tasks that also constitute elements of that “noise,” I am purposely silencing myself. I am not giving room for me to connect with me.

imgresThus, incrementally, moment by moment, I gradually lose my words, my language, my means of understanding and expressing myself. I lose self-connection, and thus the ability to choose how I would like to respond to the various things going on around me. All of which causes the ultimate loss of my personal power and autonomy.

And… if relationships are nothing more than communication, then losing our ability to communicate with our selves, puts us at a weakened state of being about to maintain the most important relationship we may ever have – i.e. the one we have with ourselves.

The question I have for you, the question I am attempting to answer for myself is, in what ways have you silenced yourself? Perhaps it is by not speaking up within one of your relationships, perhaps it is not by leaning in at work, or maybe it is within your own asana practice where you do not permit yourself to be fully present and awake – to honor – every sensation that is going on within your body.

What ever it is for you, can you begin to recognize the costs of this choice? Perhaps with perceived distance between you and another, a lack of passion and enthusiasm at work, or even healing and growth within your body?

Namaste.