Reclaiming your wholeness

Recently, I have been reading a book entitled, “Rise Sister Rise” by Rebecca Campbell. Throughout, Campbell talks about the importance of reclaiming the divine feminine within our daily lives and presents a multitude of activities aimed at healing that void. Specifically, she addresses the importance of speaking one’s truth and sharing one’s perspective – suggesting that doing both has the potential to not only heal our own wounds, but also those of another.

As one who tends to hide, bend, or omit the truth when I am feeling insecure or not good enough, I was particularly drawn to this idea. In short because it seems that to speak my truth requires a sense of wholeness I sometimes feel I lack and yet in order to reestablish that sense of wholeness I need to do the very thing I am terrified to do – i.e. speak up and be seen and heard.

To illustrate how much I struggle with this, consider that for the past few weeks, I have been experiencing extreme hip pain. This pain has been so sever that I eventually went to the doctor, who prescribed physical therapy, because I either had a pulled groin, early on-set arthritis, or a series of labrum tears. And yet, there are few people I shared this information – not even my regular students knew I was experiencing this much sensation in my hip until I told them all this today.

WHY?

Because in my head a person who sits in the role of “yoga teacher,” “should be” one who leads by example. They “should be” mindful. They should be aware of all the subtle things going on in their bodies at all times. Such individuals – in my mind – would never hurt themselves so seriously and yet have no idea of when or how they did so.

This self judgment has been compounded by the fact that as a teacher I am known to ask my students – daily – “How’s your body doing?”

Consequently, whenever asked how I was doing, I would avoid answering in an attempt to avoid the fear, guilt, and insecurity that an honest answer might provoke.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) this strategy wasn’t working. It was not working because first and foremost, I am a sadhaka – i.e. a student and a seeker on my own spiritual journey. As such, this means that even though I sometimes sit in the seat of the teacher, I am  still a human being who will occasionally have my own missteps along the journey.
Secondly, this strategy of avoiding the reality of my injuries wasn’t working because it was depleting me of my truth and  my truth has power. For as Rebecca Campbell writes, ” When you share your voice you unlock something in the universe and call a missing piece of you home.” As a sadhaka, I am committed to calling all the missing parts of myself home so that I can regain my sense of wholeness.
 
With that in mind, the question I have for you, the one I am hoping to answer for myself is this: what missing part of yourself are you ready to call home? This truth could be in the area of intimate relationships, work, or physical health. Perhaps it lies in your emotional well being, faith, or finances. Wherever it resides for you, can you begin to recognize and name the truth that you need to speak (and yet potentially fear giving voice to)? Where might this hidden gem live locked in your body, in your life, or within your relationships? Once you’ve located it, can you begin to call it home so that you can begin to reclaim your full power, strength, love, and wellbeing?

As you go within, begin to invite the quiet murmurs that you, time, or society has attempted to silence in and give them a place of honor to sit. Patiently take in the message(s) they have to share.  As you hear, feel, sense, taste, or touch whatever it is that they say you need to reclaim, remember that by welcoming in these potentially shadowy parts of yourself you are not diminishing your wholeness and instead are reclaiming it.

Namaste.