Lately, I have been thinking about why it is that I hold onto things, relationships, feelings, ideas, and identities well after I have outgrown these things, relationships, feelings, ideas, and identities.
While this may sound cliché, I hold onto things because they are comfortable. They are familiar. I feel a sense of ease around them – even though these things may no longer be fulfilling or joy making. Because they are known, I know what I can expect from them and have established a level of trust in the satisfaction or dissatisfaction I am likely to receive from a particular thought, feeling, or thing. I can predict how much time it will take up and can pre-determine how it will show-up. In knowing such things, I am afforded with an awareness of the level of “control” I will have in the situation – even when it appears that I have none.
As I come realize all these things, I have begun to ask myself, “Why do I choose to cling to something that isn’t working? Why am I willing to settle for less than I want, need, or ‘deserve’?”
The answer, in short, comes down to a sense of unworthiness on my part. Deep within me, there is a voice that continually believes I am unworthy of better, unworthy of having my needs met, unworthy of believing that my needs matter and can be attended to. And so, I expend energy seeking out ways, people, relationships, thoughts, feelings, and things that will confirm these feelings of unworthiness.
The question I have for you, the question I am beginning to ask myself, is what might potentially be gained if you allowed yourself to no longer commit to that belief that you are unworthy? What might be gained if you enabled yourself to be free of these relationships, things, people, or situations that constantly support feelings of inadequacy? What joy and fulfillment might present itself in its place? And once you have that answer in mind, what is stopping you from making that leap now?