Lately I have been thinking about a variety of things and most of them seem to come down to this simple truth: I am not one hundred percent sure that I trust in the universe.
In an attempt to provide comfort, I tell other people to trust in the universe. I say that everything happens for a reason, that when one door closes another opens. And yet when it comes down to the moment when total and complete faith is required, when one is asked to leap into the unknown, I pause. I often find myself focused on the material gains and comforts I have attained (and may potentially lose) by taking that leap. And marred in this state of fear, based entirely upon a lack of trust, I return to the status quo. I begin to obsessively collect material possessions, mindlessly eat, and check out through the fabulousness that is television.
What I’ve noticed is that when I check out through one of these escape hatches, my senses become dulled. My eyes aren’t able to focus clearly, my tastebuds seem numb to the flavors of things that pass along its nubs. My physical and mental space becomes so crowded that I am unable to really hear or experience my emotional state of being or any of the world around me. I become in essence a zombie of sorts.
The question that I have for you, the question I have been attempting to work with as of late is very simple: How can I bring a sense of consciousness to what I am doing right now? Is it possible to become curious about what I am doing right NOW and find something new, and interesting – no matter how small or seemingly insignificant – to what is going on right now and see that as a sign that the Universe is really interested in loving and helping me as an individual? Can I trust that by this simple act, I am subtly able to change the status quo, even as I continue to participate in the status quo simply by changing my own perspective/experience of the status quo?
Where in your life have you noticed that fear prevents you from fully trusting in the universe, of taking that next big step, of trying that new small thing? Perhaps it is within an intimate relationship where intimacy is at times so scary (and yet so wanted) that you keep things superficial? Maybe it is at work where you continue to stick to the same routine and tasks because they feel so comfortable and known even though you may feel dead inside? Or perhaps it is within your own asana practice where you rarely dare to try the things that aren’t already within your tool belt?
Whatever it happens to be for you, I would like you to begin to imagine what you might be giving up by “playing it safe” Perhaps it is expansion, creativity, vibrancy, play, joy, gratitude, curiosity, courage, laughter, even disappointment…. And then ask, is that thing something that you want to continue to deny yourself, or do you want to make a change?
The choice, as always, is yours.