Last week, I completed a guided meditation based upon NLP (Neurolinguistic Programing). The focus of the meditation was to connect ourselves to the support of the universe as well as our flesh out our conceptions of spirituality.
This was done through a simple exercise of creating a series of large mental paintings of ourselves, our ideal selves and god/the divine (or GrandMother Spirit as I call her). Afterwards, through the extraction of the best qualities from the different representations, we were invited to re-imagine our conceptions of ourselves, our ideal selves, as well as the divine and notice any changes.
While, I can now see how I have benefited from this experience, at the time, I was exceptionally upset. Mostly because there were startling things revealed in the process of this guided meditation.
The first thing that became apparent was that there is a huge difference between my current perceptions of myself and my ideal perceptions of myself. To say one was Dr. Jekyll and the other was Mr. Hyde would be an understatement.
The second revelation that upset me was how I symbolically thought of “grandmother spirit.” Her image transformed from an old native woman, who’s essence was captured by a series of different portraits, to a giant golden mirror. The message here being that she was simply an older version of me, in my various forms.
I began to cry when I realized that my conception of the divine – an entity I’d only begun to rely upon because I felt I couldn’t fully trust myself – was in fact an older and more knowledgeable version of me. As my heart sank towards the floor, my mind began to wonder why I had begun this journey. Very similar to one of the figures emerging from the darkness in Plato’s Simile of the Cave, I wondered why I hadn’t chosen to stay in the comfort familiarity of darkness instead of following this path? My heart felt as though it were breaking with every subsequent thought that continued to ask why couldn’t you have remained content with how things were?
As I continue to sit with this revelation and what it means in terms of my tendency to seek validation, support, and reassurance from external sources, the questions I would like to offer you as a type of meditation are: What are your conceptions of the divine, your idealized self, and your current self? Are the three images congruent with one another or are they drastically different? If the latter happens to be true for you, can you be kind to yourself as you begin to imagine the possibility that aspects of your divine self and your idealized self already exist within your current self in this present moment?
All of us have at times gone down a road, a line of inquiry, and wondered half way through the process, “What the heck was I thinking?” At such times, it is easy to become disheartened, sad, depressed, and angry. But how can we use these opportunities to begin to cultivate the courage to take one step and then another towards the possibility that everything we’ve ever searched for has always been buried deep inside of us?
This question might apply within the area of relationship, where perhaps a new one has begun or an old one has ended and there is a bit of conflict or unresolved issues. Maybe it applies to your professional life where you are in the midst of some type of change or simply feeling bogged down by the reappearance of an old familiar problem? Or perhaps this question applies to your physical body, its health, and recovery?
Whatever it is, how can you begin to trust that everything you seek can be found within? How can you begin to cultivate the courage to trust and believe in yourself instead of looking for someone or something else to provide that sense of faith?
Take a few moments to take a few breaths and jot down any ideas that come to mind that may increase your ability to trust in you.